Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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