hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
