You can't motorboat a personality
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
