So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
