You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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