This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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