She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
