i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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