never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
