I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
