Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
