woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
vagina is talking i cant
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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