When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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