I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
