All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
