I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
