I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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