tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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