I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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