HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
