Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
