Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
