i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
