No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
