I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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