I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
