Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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