3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He better not be in your backpack
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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