i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
