Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
