My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
