i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
