Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
