Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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