I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
