What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
