it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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