Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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