brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize