Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
