She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
