Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
