Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
