it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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