Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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