he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
