His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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