Your tits are I can't wait for
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
