if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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