youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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