3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
