He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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