dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
