umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
