Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
