i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
