he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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