you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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