just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
