So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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