my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
