I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
