Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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