I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
