wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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