what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk is a universal language darling
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
