Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
